The Truth.

So from the looks of things, February was a quiet month for me. That may be how it looks from the outside, but the truth is totally to the contrary. February brought about the beginning of my final chapter in my quest to earn my master's degree. With that brought almost 250 hours of shadowing the CNO at a local hospital. So I get to fit those 250 hours into my already crammed-packed 40 hour work week. I am not complaining by any means.... being back in the academic setting has allowed me to get school and work done during the week so that I can still be a mommy and a wife. But, it sure makes for a busy day!

My last post told of some projects that God has laid on my heart to work on. Here are some updates:

• We have accepted that we are likely going to be living in our house for a while and so we have been working on some updates and changes that we can be happy with until God brings us to our next home. I am honestly OK with not being able to move right now. Truthfully, I don't think I could handle having to move right now. I will post pictures of our projects later.
• We are still trying to patiently wait on God to bless us with our next child. This one is not going as well as I would like for it to. If you will allow me a moment of complete honesty and transparency.... I am heart broken and confused. I look around me and I see so many people who were not following God's design for a family and who were able to get pregnant. I know....I know....that is a sin and it is something that I am praying for help with but again....honesty. Also, two girls who are very close to me and who mean the world to me have gotten pregnant in the last few months. I love them with all my heart and I truly am happy for them, yet with each milestone they celebrate, it seems more clear to me that THEY are celebrating THEIR milestone. I know that I have shared about the baby that we lost in November... well I was looking at an old calendar and I saw that I had marked that I would know the sex of the baby by February. I can't help but ask, Why God? Why am I not able to celebrate MY milestone? So because He is my father who knows better than to try an argue with me or answer my questions, He instead has laid some things on my heart. 1) He is still God and He is still Good! 2) That I need to be worshiping instead of worrying and I need to be praying instead of planning and 3) and this is not something that I think that I am all that ready to soak up yet, but God has laid the idea of adoption on my heart. I don't feel that John and I are anywhere near that point yet, but God keeps speaking to me about it. More honesty.....Why God, Why should we pay all of that money to just continue to wait? I know people who physically can't have babies and they have been waiting for years? He is still working on me with these questions.
• I have been able to schedule my first official informational meeting about American Heritage Girls at the end of the month. I am gong to start by presenting it to the amazing ladies in my Sunday School class. My hope is that some will want to join me on this journey, and that even more will commit to pray for and with me as I take on what seems to be way to big for little ole me! I am going to devote my next post to what AHG is and how I see it changing the lives of young girls in Saline County.
• The Diet!..... Well I have not been as faithful about reading my book as I would like to be. But God can always bring you back. Just this week, a friend of mine said that she wanted to begin reading the book together. That was just what I needed. So I will keep going knowing that I will have times where life steps in and takes my attention momentarily, but this is something that I am committed to do. Please pray for me that I would remember that I am made for more!