Secondary Infertility: The Unexpected Punch in the Gut

First, let me begin by saying that I am not writing this post for the purpose of gaining sympathy. Nor, do I ever intend on gaining sympathy out of discussing my journey in secondary infertility land. My whole purpose in discussing my walk is to document my journey for myself and to share with others what secondary infertility looks and feels like. Some of you may have never met anyone who has experienced infertility after being blessed with one or more children. Hopefully, by reading these stories, you will be better able to relate when you do meet someone. Today's post, however, relates more to those who have experienced a miscarriage.

I want to start out with some praises..... John and I both recieved great news last week after having gone through some tests. Our tests came back normal/better than normal (this kind of stuff is hard to discuss, so bear with me if my vague comments confuse you!) I have a few more tests to undergo, but we may be on to an answer. Please just pray that the problem(s) would be made clear. I would also appreciate if you would pray specifically for one test that I will have to undergo. I have been told that it is extremely painful. I am praying that the Lord would protect me from the pain and would guide the physicians in their diagnosis.

OK.....here's the unexpected punch in the gut part..... I came home today to find this in the mail.......

My first thought was....."Why would someone send........ OH! I Know!" You see my due date for the baby that I lost was June 6th, 2011. My heart sunk as I realized that next week would be the week I was supposed to bring my sweet baby home. I'm sure that I signed up for some free give-away or something like that. I never even considered that women who have miscarried might recieve samples in the mail that remind them of their "Never-Going-to-Happen Due Date." How horrible!

So today, I am sad but blessed. I will someday get to meet that sweet baby that never fully made it down from Heaven. It brings me great joy to know that while My Mom has Allie to spoil and love on, my Dad now has our baby in Heaven to spoil and love on. I haven't really ever said this out loud to anyone but John, but I felt very strongly that this baby was a boy. John and I had even started calling the baby, Barrett. Whether or not the baby really was a boy or not, I am sure that they are well taken care of and I can't wait to meet them someday.

Sad But Blessed..... Sad about the baby I never got to hold.....But Praise God for His many blessings... especially this sweet and sassy blessing: