Schizophrenic Ambition

Let me begin by saying that I mean no disrespect to anyone who may suffer from the mental illness known as Schizophrenia....... However, if I had to describe my day to day ambitions of being a career woman, then maybe a stay-at-home mom, then maybe a working-at-home mom...... a mom who blogs, a mom who paints, or sews, or makes Tu-Tu's....the only way I know how to describe what goes on in this head of mine....is Schizophrenic. Maybe we all have some aspects of mental illness in one aspect of our lives or another. Some days I wake up with a drive to change the world, believe it or not, I have even given about 5 minutes to the thought of holding a public office. Other days, I just want to veg-out on the couch while the laundry piles up around me, hoping that no one will see me behind the towels and socks waiting to be folded. So where do these crazy ideas come from, and why do some leave as soon as they came?

I think that part of what makes life interesting is trying to find that something that you do that ignites the fire of your soul. I believe that God has given each of us totally unique spiritual gifts, and part of our "growing up spiritually" is finding the right combination of our gifts and passions and becoming who it is the God intended us to be. I have taken several Spiritual Gifts Surveys but none of them have ever said at the end....."this is what you need to focus your time doing." So I guess my Schizophrenic ambitions will continue coming and going and with lots of prayer and God's Grace, I will become the woman God intended me to be. In the mean time here is a running list of the ambitions that I have had recently:

1. Become a Blogging Mom
2. Begin Painting Canvases
3. Continue on in school to get my PhD (I graduate with my Master's in May)
4. Work from home for an Online University so that I have time to do some of these things
5. Home school Allie, or be a very involved homeroom Mom
6. Start a Chapter of American Heritage Girls in Arkansas (this one I have kind of already committed to God that I will do)
7. Develop my photography skills
8. Write a book on Test Taking Strategies and Study Skills
9. Study about and teach Allie the Jewish Holidays (We are Christians but I have an interest in learning about our Jewish heritage)
10. Open a Balloon store (like the one I used to work in when I was in high school)
11..... The list could go on forever, but you get the picture.